The Problem With Being Hard On Yourself: Scrupulosity
There are two drawbacks in dealing with yourself so severely… your reverence will not last long … being harsh with yourself you could easily become excessively so with others… William J Young, SJ
No matter how much I study practice pray
something is wrong
something is missing
like the droning hummmm of a searching helicopter
guilt saws a racketing edge
something is wrong
something is missing
Pleading my case to an absent judge
alarming uncertainty circles
something is wrong
something is missing
Have I done everything I can do?
I must do?
to be whole? holy? Surely
something is wrong
something is missing
Step up the anté
study practice pray
more more
Though I know no cause
gnawing dread pierces my peace
something is wrong
something is missing
Awol judge hovers
beyond grasp
reason
I study more
I practice more
I pray
I give myself away until
I am wholly spent and hear
wisdom’s warring word
Scrupulosity
wears a sheep’s suit of holiness
drives me to despair
like a fevered dog
my worse-self nips
at my wide-eyed heels
Scrupulosity
spiritual OCD
get behind me now
God is God
I am not
Today I welcome living
in ambiguity
Poem by Debra Asis
William J Young, SJ’s above quote is found in today’s selection in An Ignatian Book of Days by Jim Manney, a series of daily reflections from the Spiritual Wisdom of St. Ignatius of Loyola. Throughout the book we hear the voices of St. Ignatius as well as many great thinkers and writers, long gone and present day, each uniquely revealing the way of finding God in all things.And that is my intention; to find God/Divine Presence/Ultimate Reality in whatever presents itself to me each day in 2024.
Each day I read, reflect and write on the selection, hoping to articulate the ways in which I come to know God/Divine Presence/Ultimate Reality via personal experience, impelled by the leading of my inner life.
INVITATION
Would you like to join me? The book is accessible on Amazon. Let me know in the comments to this post and sign up to get an email whenever I post. I would love to read your reflections too, public or private messages welcome!
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Learn more about me at
https://www.debraasis.org
All words are generated by grace and the grit of a real human being,
Debra Asis
