Mothers & Others: dare we say,
Mother’s Day is more than bouquets of roses, sentimental cards and long distance phone calls. Mother’s Day is a way we the people, all the people, claim our pivotal place as providers of care for the well being of others…
It was Sunday morning in the middle of May. I had been with the congregation for a mere six months, and when I scanned the sea of semi-familiar faces I saw a man whose mother we buried five weeks earlier and a forty something year old woman who confided in me that her near suicidal depression was related to her fear that she would never have children, I simply could not bring myself to issue a jubilant “Happy Mother’s Day.”
After listing a litany of “church happenings” announcements, by grace these words tumbled from my tongue. “This morning I am expected to say, “Happy Mother’s Day,” but for many of us this day is not happy. Some of us are mourning the death of our mothers or whoever delivered our best mothering. Some cringe at the thought of mothers whose mothering left them undone while others grieve for children who died or children still born. Some weep because they wish they were mothers but have not given birth while others suffer being mothers. And of course for others thoughts about mothers or mothering are happy.”
“Here is the thing, every single one of us has been mothered by someone; a teacher, coach, neighbor, favorite aunt or uncle, biological or adopted mother. And, every single one of us (male and female) has mothered someone; niece, nephew, neighbor child, student, little sister or brother. With that in mind I can wholeheartedly say, “Happy Mother’s Day,” to every women and man sitting here because we are all blessed by giving an receiving mothering.”
As these words poured from my heart I watched folks wipe away their tears and wholly respond, “Happy Mother’s Day!” Relieved, I smiled. It was not until the last person to shake my hand on the way out of church told me her story that I wept. I will call her Sarah.
Sarah: Rev. Debra, I never come to church on Mother’s Day. I hate this holiday. It hurts too much. My mother abandoned me when I was three and I have never had children. When people ask me why I have no children I feel ashamed, like I have done something wrong. This morning I have no idea why I found myself getting ready for church but I decided to come and promised myself I could leave if it was too painful. My heart sank to my stomach when you started to talk about Mother’s Day, but then you made room for me. For the first time my tears about motherhood are not only about sadness and regret. I realize I am not alone. Mother’s Day is tuff for lots of folks. And I also felt gratitude, gratitude for the the foster family who chose to mother me and for my opportunity to mother my best friend’s kids. I never knew this counted as mothering.”
Rev. Debra: Finding not a single word to stutter, I held Sarah and we wept together.
Mother’s Day is more than bouquets of roses, sentimental cards and long distance phone calls. Mother’s Day is a way we the people, all the people, claim our pivotal place as providers of care for the well being of others (regardless of the details of our relationship) and, what better day than Mother’s Day to express our gratitude for all the care given to us by mothers and others.
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