Jeweled Breadcrumb #17 : exposing the tyrant outside and in
sunrise depends on sunset
prickly thorn protects
pale rose
to choose good
and refuse evil
reliably loses both
For a myriad of personal reasons, my mother kissed the ring of a tyrant. In spite of the much good she delivered, fear triumphed and she silently sacrificed her children to the bully’s wrath. I, the eldest, was the one in four who refused to kiss the ring. It cost me dearly; beatings, humiliations, being disowned. Please, do not feel sorry for me. I was and am, free, free from the cruel and oppressive lies of a deeply damaged despot who sports a charming suit and deceiver’s smile. I am free to speak truth, seek integrity and call out a tyrant when I see one.
With my compass rose set on integrity, I consistently exposed cheating, deceit, dishonesty and corruption. Consequently, I have walked away or been summarily fired from three professional positions of substantial power and privilege. Mine has been a path of descending mobility. Still, no complaints. It is also one of ascending freedom.
As a girl and young woman my compass turned toward “freedom from;” baseless blame, indignity, errant judgment, lies, shame, humiliation, all delivered with the tongue and hand of power over me by an unchecked, unconscious, malevolent man-child. I refined my ‘bullshit’ detector and grew steel to protect my heart, the place that harbored the perplexing knowing, “Nothing can touch you where I Am.”
I will spare you the exhausting narrative of therapies, magic pills, meditations, feasts, fasts and interventions that reset my compass toward “freedom for;” liberty, responsibility, dignity, enlightenment and humility. My mind opened, my heart softened until I recognized the interior knowing, “Nothing can touch you where I Am,” as the mysterious seed of hope and holiness tucked away in me, as in every human being.
Intent on cultivating the inscrutable seed, it is my desire to open myself to discern the will of God in this time and this place so to discover how it may grow and blossom. I do not believe there is a preordained set of rules, principles or ethics. Rather, the living Word God breathes through me (and anyone who is willing) as long as I (or they) attend to our garden (this time and this place). The garden plot is established with an interior state of receptivity by cultivating self-awareness, regularly examening thoughts, emotions and actions, listening deeply for in-spiration and acting with humility. Which, turns my compass toward “freedom with” community.
Community is fertile ground in which to harvest humility because, the Word God not only speaks to me (us) from the inside out, the Word God also speaks to me (us) from the outside in; through the mouths of people around me (us), through the sacred text of ordinary days. In community I find strength, courage, affirmation or challenge to act for the good of others and future generations. I am but a single seed of creation, yet, all that I am is meant to flourish in our communal garden, to move the compass toward “freedom with community”. Therefore, it is not arrogance that refuses to kiss the tyrants rings. It is the mysterious encounter with holiness that breeds humility and changes everything.
Paradox
Though his behaviors befoul and bury it, even the tyrant harbors the seed of holiness and hope. Sadly, he knows nothing of it. Although I can and do feel compassion for the damaged despot, I recognize his actions as expressions of his fear masked by inflated beliefs; he, regardless of the cost to others, must be admired, he, alone, is above the rules of law and order, he claims divine preference and stands in place of God. (No wonder he is so fearful!)
The tyrant is a weed in our communal garden but, rather than pull him out and risk ruining the orderly rows, perhaps it is better to wonder, “What medicinal qualities or benefits might be buried in this weed?”
Breadcrumb
On my better days I see the weed as a window into my soul, exposing the dark parts of what can be my inordinate desires for security, safety, esteem, power or control. (Note — the adjective ‘inordinate’ is operative. Security, safety, esteem, power or control are good when moderate, modest and not at the expense of others.)
Recognizing the tyrant outside, I turn around, look inside, expose the tyrant living within me. Woe to us who fail to see the tyrant cowering under our skin. For as long as we disclaim his inner presence, the outer tyrant will continue to exert his power over you and me.
Thank you for reading these words,
written by grace and the grit of a real human being. Debra Asis
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The assignment that brings me to the writing of these words is to unapologetically tell the story of how God nudges, cajoles, drop kicks and masters me to be the real human being that I am … becoming … following God’s Jeweled Breadcrumbs. My daily writing challenge for 2025 is to share the Breadcrumbs with you.
You may also visit me at https://www.debraasis.org/
