House On Fire: ruminations of a recently retired priest

Stripped of roles, responsibilities and frankly all concepts of who and how I am to be, this recently retired priest is naked as the day I was baptized in water. And then came fire.

“If the heart is awake and clear, it can directly receive, radiate, and reflect the unmanifest Divine Reality.” In other words, when we do the work of putting our heads in our hearts we are all meant to be transfigured. This is the unapologetic claim of the Episcopal priest, Wisdom teacher and author of numerous books on contemplative theology and practice, Cynthia Bourgeault.* Like Jesus in his dazzling mountaintop moment, we are meant to “receive, radiate and reflect” Divine Reality in our lives.

The other night I had what at first grasped me as a grievous dream. “I am made aware that a plan is underway. A bell will ring to announce an impending invasion. I am to receive my portion of water then depart immediately as the original inhabitant of this house will set it on fire.” And so I prayed, “Holy One, are you speaking to me through this dream? What is going on here?”

With my roles, responsibilities and frankly all concepts of who and how I am washed away in the wake of my recent retirement, this priest is naked as the day I was baptized in water. Being barren and unbound, the firey presence of Divine Reality ignites and takes possession of my house. I wonder, is this the baptism by fire about which John the Baptist speaks? (Matt 3.11)

Divine Reality or God is the fire, the inconceivable energy, intelligence, agency and capacity to be and to do anything and everything. And, this inconceivable Divine Reality is conceived in my body. Divinity is not separate from me but rather inseparably of me. And, here is an essential conclusion. The invisible Divine Reality of fire requires the raw material of my body (my house liberated from roles and concepts of who I am supposed to be) to become visible.

Bodies act much like capacitors in their ability to temporarily store and then very quickly release energy when simultaneously housing polarizing positions. (Think about the sensations in your gut and chest as you strive to synthesize light in darkness, benefit in suffering, goodness in evil, blessing in tragedy, Divine Reality in humanity.) When the invisible and visible are held in the stripped down hollows of hope, a singular manifestation of spiritual energy radiates. This manifestation has ten thousand names; YHWH, Allah, Light, Presence, Unborn, Eternity, Jehovah, One, Divine Reality, God.… It is visible absence wed to invisible presence, manifesting mind-shattering glory.

I believe this is what Jesus experiences in his mountaintop moment of transfiguration; the merger of the visible and invisible, the sacrament of the manifest and unmanifest, the marriage of the human and Divine Reality. (See Matthew’s text below) Receiving and sustaining the seeming opposites Jesus radiates the inconceivable apprehension that Divine Reality is not separate nor superior to humanity. Jesus is thus transfigured. More than changed in appearance, Jesus radiates the glory of Divine Reality and reflects the innermost nature of humankind.

Divine Reality is not detached from humanity. Rather, Divinity depends on human embodiment to receive, radiate and reflect it.

When our hearts wake up and we choose to sustain our human lives in relationship with Divine Reality, like Jesus we too are transfigured. This means any barriers or false notions of separation between God and us dissolve. Stripped of external roles and concepts of who and how we are supposed to be, we are naked as the day we were baptized in water. With nothing left to bind us, the fire of Divine Reality is free to take possession of our house. Baptized by fire, we are transfigured.

There is a distinct downside to all of this. It demands we wake up. When my heart “is awake and clear” I have to quit protesting, “I am only human.” I must cease clinging to this catchy alibi as a blanket excuse for my failures to “receive, radiate and reflect the unmanifest Divine Reality” in the mountaintop as well as the valley moments of my life. No longer may I take refuge in safe dual minded sorting of life into competing buckets of light or dark, blessing or tragedy, human or Divine.

I am not, we are not “only human.” We are both human and Divine. This is not a spurious new age idea because from the beginning we humans are intended to be dazzling creatures, distinct in all of creation in our capacity to receive and radiate Divine Reality, reflecting for all the world to experience the likeness of God on earth.

How will you make yourself available to “receive, radiate and reflect the unmanifest Divine Reality” in your every day life? Today I consent to fire’s baptism by sharing my dream and this reflection.

* Cynthia Bourgeault, The Wisdom Way of Knowing: Reclaiming an Ancient Tradition to Awaken the Heart (Jossey-Bass: 2003), 33–35.

Matthew 17:1–9 The Transfiguration of Jesus

Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and his brother John and led them up a high mountain, by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became dazzling white. Suddenly there appeared to them Moses and Elijah, talking with him. Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here; if you wish, I will make three dwellings here, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” While he was still speaking, suddenly a bright cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud a voice said, “This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well pleased; listen to him!” When the disciples heard this, they fell to the ground and were overcome by fear. But Jesus came and touched them, saying, “Get up and do not be afraid.” And when they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus himself alone.

As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus ordered them, “Tell no one about the vision until after the Son of Man has been raised from the dead.”